Church Friends

OK, so Kris and I haven't gone to a church in a while.  We keep meaning to find a church to become a part of, but can't seem to find one that we like, plus it doesn't help that we believe that going to church on Sundays doesn't make us better Christians.  We also really dislike church politics.  Nonetheless, I really want to find a place where I can worship and have fellowship with others, plus we definitely want to raise Alaise in a Church environment.

We had a "home" church that we went to for a while.  We were part of the young-married group and met other newly weds.  We loved the pastor and his wife, and we met at their house, and we really thought we had found our church.  During that time, we (okay, mostly me, since Kris makes friends effortlessly) tried really hard to make friends there.  You know, real friends, not just people you see when you go to church on Sunday mornings.  I remember being hurt by this one couple, who we invited to our house to eat dinner and hang out - they seemed to enjoy hanging out, but never invited us to do anything back.  That kinda stung.  Anyway.  One reason or another, we quit going.

I knew I hadn't made real friends at that church, during almost a year of attending, when we never got a call from any of them (except one couple, who Kris keeps in contact still), wondering where we were, why we weren't coming to church anymore.  Or just to say hey, we haven't seen you in a while, do you want to hang out?

I hate church friends.  I struggled with this for a long time.  Not necessarily with church friends, but the fact that I don't seem to be happy making "shallow" friends - friends that aren't your best friends, but people you just do stuff and hang out with.  I would dissect why this was.  Kris and I had lots of talks about this, and we think part of it is how I grew up.  Attending HIS in Indonesia, everyone was practicaly family, and I was surrounded by intimate friends.  It's almost like I didn't know how to make acquaintences.  I didn't ever want to share anything with people I wasn't already really good friends with, which results in never making any new friends.  I have tried to get over this, so I try to share stuff with acquaintences, but I don't like doing it, and if they don't share back, I have a really hard time not taking it personally.  For example, when we left the church, all the contact that we had with that group was initiated by us...  The few emails we exchanged, I wrote first.  And that kinda gets old.  If I didn't reach out first, nothing ever happened.

The other day at Walmart, we ran into one of those church friends.  I actually considered her one of my closest friends in that group, so it was really good to see her, and catch up.  I had to laugh though, at the end of it - we just said Hey, good to see ya!  And that was that.  No "Hey, we should get together and hang out again."  I feel like these kinds of relationships are almost pointless.

I know most of the problem is with me.  I hope that Kris and I can find a home church soon, where we will make great relationships and allow Alaise to grow up in a Christian environment, and get to know other kids.  I do pray though, that God will take us where He will, and allow us to meet great couples.  People who will reach back to me, if I reach out first.  Because only God can do stuff like that.  :)